Stepping out and taking the courage to socialise with your friends and people again can be incredibly hard to do.
When I say socialise it’s the simplest of tasks like going for a coffee “fika” with a friend or old colleague, a catch up dinner with your girlie mates, or a family get together or outing. As much as you may want to do it and know that you should at least try, it can take a huge amount of effort and time, because you fear being judged or that you will feel guilty for doing so. Feeling guilty is by far the hardest part but I’m told it’s a normal feeling at this stage or any stage of grief. Feeling guilt for laughing, smiling, dancing, singing, joking, wanting to let your hair down and trying to feel happy again, when you are drowned in sadness 100% of the time. Your old happier bubbly self from before is trying desperately to get through but your battling with your demons in your head as you think oh you really shouldn’t “in the eyes of others”for you worry on what “they might think’ or you just couldn’t bare it without them, no matter the angle or view you look at, you really must think of yourself..
It’s all so incredibly hard to bare to taking that leap or first steps, But to do so, as it turns out (for me anyway) is actually good for you and your soul. It somewhat eases the pain a little and gives you a big hug of love to yourself from the inside, in a time when you really really need it. It’s just not quite the same when someone else tries to make you feel loved, as great and needed as that is, you need to feel it yourself on the inside, you need to live it. Let me tell you when you do for the very first time in this new life of yours, now that is a whole different story altogether, a very different kind of feeling to what you would have felt before. It’s like starting over from the beginning on understanding feelings, but to do so at this stage of your life going through this experience is a completely different challenge. The guilt and judgement passes eventually because it has now been turned into a memory. A new one. A new one without your loved one, and that is ok.. I know we wish they were there having that nice time with you, but trust and believe that they are looking on, and I hope, are cheering us on for taking that step, that step back into civilisation to living and feeling again… to laughing, smiling, dancing and that start to feeling happy, even if it only lasts a little while.. it all helps !
Yes, I’m not going to lie, it’s very hard, even though your loved ones are supportive and say well done your doing great, but you really do need to move on with your life and get out and about, but to actually do it, is when you should say to yourself – Well done you, Well done you for taking that chance on living again, Well done you for getting through it, for going out and having a good time, even with the guilt and thoughts on what anyone else says or thinks. It can be done when you find the strength to do it and it can be very nourishing on the heart and soul, believe me, and you know what, it is ok to laugh, smile, dance and go out and try live again… Let’s not be so hard on ourselves, for we will get through it and learn to smile again.