Miss you babe,my big man in the sky

I woke up in pain, more like an ache, all over.. Feeling totally exhausted even though I just woke up, fighting the need to just lay in bed for my entire body was heavy, sore and tired, and in need for silence ….  

the want to lay in bed until the feeling passes, wishing you were laying by my side, holding me, saying “Don’t feel sad, get up, it will be ok babe”. But I don’t want to talk at that moment for I can’t find the words to speak to you. Because I had an overwhelming heavy heart, of heartbreak and sadness because I miss you desperately, memories of you take over my thoughts and suddenly I felt the sting in my eyes but I managed to hold back the tears from streaming down my face because I know you don’t want me to cry. I really wanted you here, So I went to the wardrobe as I felt the need to wear your clothes, not so I could smell your scent for that has long since faded now, but so I could imagine you still in them, for I feel your arms around my shoulders every time I wear them… The very thought of that starts the waterfall, the sting in my eyes too hard to hold back so it breaks and the tears stream, my heart pulls and my body aches even more than before… I just wanted to open my eyes, wake up and talk to you, tell you about my dreams, just like I used to every morning… I miss that… I miss you…

So I’m telling you now, this was my day today, I opened my eyes and woke up heartbroken and I couldn’t shift it, but had to ride it out hoping for it to pass and stop taking over my every sense. But it doesn’t stop there, for I felt the overwhelming surge of anger take over and I could feel my skin burn, my blood boil, my head explode and finally , my heart erupted…So I screamed…I want to scream at you, but I don’t so I just go through these rollercoaster of feelings of heart break, sadness, anger all in the same day….The day went on and the pain started to ease, but only a little, but it’s night time now, again, and I want to talk to you, we should’ve been able to talk earlier, but we can’t.. but maybe in my dreams… So I’ll meet you there, hopefully…

Let’s hope the senses aren’t so sensitive tomorrow and I’m stronger and more positive

xoxo

Missing you, my big man in the sky xoxo

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